I consider myself a contemplative (evidence: your writing speaks to me), but I do not have a contemplative community around me. I trace the beginning of my contemplative journey to 30 years ago when I, as a high school student, took a summer course called "The Other Side of Silence" with a teacher who was a member of the Secular Order of Discalced Carmelites. I've been in search of a spiritual director for a long time. I think it's been hard because I would like a contemplative spiritual director (a phrase I've never used before but made total sense when I saw you use it). Can you offer any guidance on how to go about finding someone? (I live in New York City, in the off chance that you have specific recommendations, though I recognize you do not know me at all, and so that would be tough.)
Thanks for sharing your comment here. First of all, you're asking a question that many people wonder about, so I've written a new post to address this very question; it will be published tomorrow (October 24, 2025). Meanwhile, just so you know: I'm a spiritual director, and you can learn more about my ministry here: https://www.anamchara.com/spiritual-direction/
So here's a few of my experiences. I don't have any "technique" to offer; just meeting someone where they're at
(1) TALKING TO A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS
Two Jehovah's Witnesses came to our door in Greenville. My wife Jan saw the gleam in my eye and said, "Don, really, you're going to try to convert them?" Well, no, but here goes:
So after listening a bit, I asked if they ever heard of contemplative prayer. No, they both said, so I described it and they were rather horrified, giving me the old, "If you leave the mind untended the Devil's going to get in" (makes one wonder what their minds are like, but leaving that for now)
So I asked one of them, "Do you have a picture of Jesus in your home?"
She said, "Right in the hallway as I walk in."
"Wonderful," I replied. Have you ever paused for a few seconds, looking at His picture, feeling a sense of love and gratitude?"
"Well, I never thought of it that way, but I would say, quite often."
I continued, "Maybe you paused a bit longer, maybe 10 seconds or so?"
She clearly did not, yet, see where I was going.
Rather proudly, she said, "Why yes, once in a while?"
I then asked, "Do you think there's would be any problem if you came home one day, feeling deeply grateful to the Lord, you opened the door to your home, and paused to gaze at Jesus' picture for 30 seconds?"
From her expression, she started to suspect there was a "gotcha" somewhere in there. But to her immense credit, she paused, perhaps a bit nervous, and then answered, honestly, "No, that is not a problem."
I immediately follow up with, "How about 1 minute?"
She hardly paused and then responded, "Yes, one minute would be ok, looking at Jesus' picture, feeling deep love for him."
"Congratulations," I concluded, "You've just spent one minute in contemplative prayer!
************
The other occasion involved a fundamentalist minister, a young rather charismatic man, who had been kicked out of his church due to having had an affair. We met at a "Pub Theology" event in Asheville, NC - a rather boring one, actually. Afterward, he and I talked a bit, and he suggested we have lunch some time.
A few days later we met at Atlanta Bread. At one point, I said, "Why do you Baptists put God so far away?"
He proceed to tell me, quite articulately, about Baptist theology and the essential importance of the Creator/Creature relationship and why the distance was essential (given the nature of our lowly sinful characters and all that)
I then asked him if he knew the verse where Paul describes God (quoting an ancient Greek poet), as He "in whom we live and move and have our being."
We talked about that a bit and then suggested a little exercise.
I said:
"LIsten to the sounds in the environment. Just listen for a bit, and let your attention widen to take in the whole space....
"Now imagine the thoughts going through your mind are nonsense sounds; listen to them purely as meaningless sounds, blah blah blah blah blah...."
"now, look as hard as you can and see if you can find any clear boundary between the sounds "out there" and the sounds "In here."
As he did this, his eyes suddenly widened and a look of awe came over him, and he said, "It feels like it's the first time I ever understood that verse, and maybe, it's a whole new way of understanding the Bible."
*****
Finally, a secular reflection.
Conventional mindfulness is about developing the ability to bring a gentle, calm, compassionate, nonjudgmental quality of attention to all the movements of our nature. In contrast, what has been called effortless mindfulness is the practice of turning the attention inward to become aware of the silent, calm, open-hearted Consciousness that is always present underlying those surface movements.
In other words, in spite of the sometimes superficial quality of the popular mindfulness movement, it is ultimately about learning to become conscious of our movements in the light of a deeper Consciousness within.
Child and adolescent psychiatrist Daniel Siegel has come up with a simple, easily accessible metaphor to teach this deeper method of effortless mindfulness, which he refers to as the “Wheel of Awareness”:
Arrayed out on the rim of the wheel are all the things we’re aware of. At the center or “hub” of the wheel is the Awareness or Consciousness which takes in all that we experience.
With a conventional mindfulness practice, we can learn to bring a quality of kind, non-judgmental, calm equanimity to the way we attend to the things on “the rim of the wheel.” But what Siegel is teaching is the essence of effortless mindfulness - remembering to shift attention back to the “hub” – again and again and again – and to view everything on the rim from that inner stance.
Siegel has taught this form of effortless mindfulness practice in person to over 50,000 people (many of whom have never engaged in any form of meditative practice). They have described their experience of shifting to the hub using words such as “complete peace,” “joy,” “love,” a sense of emptiness and fullness at once,” “as if time has disappeared,” “as wide as the sky,” “vast,” “peaceful,” serene,” “Infinite.”
Some have said it was the first time they felt “at home in the universe,” others said they understood God for the first time.
I consider myself a contemplative (evidence: your writing speaks to me), but I do not have a contemplative community around me. I trace the beginning of my contemplative journey to 30 years ago when I, as a high school student, took a summer course called "The Other Side of Silence" with a teacher who was a member of the Secular Order of Discalced Carmelites. I've been in search of a spiritual director for a long time. I think it's been hard because I would like a contemplative spiritual director (a phrase I've never used before but made total sense when I saw you use it). Can you offer any guidance on how to go about finding someone? (I live in New York City, in the off chance that you have specific recommendations, though I recognize you do not know me at all, and so that would be tough.)
Thanks for sharing your comment here. First of all, you're asking a question that many people wonder about, so I've written a new post to address this very question; it will be published tomorrow (October 24, 2025). Meanwhile, just so you know: I'm a spiritual director, and you can learn more about my ministry here: https://www.anamchara.com/spiritual-direction/
Blessings!
Carl
So here's a few of my experiences. I don't have any "technique" to offer; just meeting someone where they're at
(1) TALKING TO A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS
Two Jehovah's Witnesses came to our door in Greenville. My wife Jan saw the gleam in my eye and said, "Don, really, you're going to try to convert them?" Well, no, but here goes:
So after listening a bit, I asked if they ever heard of contemplative prayer. No, they both said, so I described it and they were rather horrified, giving me the old, "If you leave the mind untended the Devil's going to get in" (makes one wonder what their minds are like, but leaving that for now)
So I asked one of them, "Do you have a picture of Jesus in your home?"
She said, "Right in the hallway as I walk in."
"Wonderful," I replied. Have you ever paused for a few seconds, looking at His picture, feeling a sense of love and gratitude?"
"Well, I never thought of it that way, but I would say, quite often."
I continued, "Maybe you paused a bit longer, maybe 10 seconds or so?"
She clearly did not, yet, see where I was going.
Rather proudly, she said, "Why yes, once in a while?"
I then asked, "Do you think there's would be any problem if you came home one day, feeling deeply grateful to the Lord, you opened the door to your home, and paused to gaze at Jesus' picture for 30 seconds?"
From her expression, she started to suspect there was a "gotcha" somewhere in there. But to her immense credit, she paused, perhaps a bit nervous, and then answered, honestly, "No, that is not a problem."
I immediately follow up with, "How about 1 minute?"
She hardly paused and then responded, "Yes, one minute would be ok, looking at Jesus' picture, feeling deep love for him."
"Congratulations," I concluded, "You've just spent one minute in contemplative prayer!
************
The other occasion involved a fundamentalist minister, a young rather charismatic man, who had been kicked out of his church due to having had an affair. We met at a "Pub Theology" event in Asheville, NC - a rather boring one, actually. Afterward, he and I talked a bit, and he suggested we have lunch some time.
A few days later we met at Atlanta Bread. At one point, I said, "Why do you Baptists put God so far away?"
He proceed to tell me, quite articulately, about Baptist theology and the essential importance of the Creator/Creature relationship and why the distance was essential (given the nature of our lowly sinful characters and all that)
I then asked him if he knew the verse where Paul describes God (quoting an ancient Greek poet), as He "in whom we live and move and have our being."
We talked about that a bit and then suggested a little exercise.
I said:
"LIsten to the sounds in the environment. Just listen for a bit, and let your attention widen to take in the whole space....
"Now imagine the thoughts going through your mind are nonsense sounds; listen to them purely as meaningless sounds, blah blah blah blah blah...."
"now, look as hard as you can and see if you can find any clear boundary between the sounds "out there" and the sounds "In here."
As he did this, his eyes suddenly widened and a look of awe came over him, and he said, "It feels like it's the first time I ever understood that verse, and maybe, it's a whole new way of understanding the Bible."
*****
Finally, a secular reflection.
Conventional mindfulness is about developing the ability to bring a gentle, calm, compassionate, nonjudgmental quality of attention to all the movements of our nature. In contrast, what has been called effortless mindfulness is the practice of turning the attention inward to become aware of the silent, calm, open-hearted Consciousness that is always present underlying those surface movements.
In other words, in spite of the sometimes superficial quality of the popular mindfulness movement, it is ultimately about learning to become conscious of our movements in the light of a deeper Consciousness within.
Child and adolescent psychiatrist Daniel Siegel has come up with a simple, easily accessible metaphor to teach this deeper method of effortless mindfulness, which he refers to as the “Wheel of Awareness”:
Arrayed out on the rim of the wheel are all the things we’re aware of. At the center or “hub” of the wheel is the Awareness or Consciousness which takes in all that we experience.
With a conventional mindfulness practice, we can learn to bring a quality of kind, non-judgmental, calm equanimity to the way we attend to the things on “the rim of the wheel.” But what Siegel is teaching is the essence of effortless mindfulness - remembering to shift attention back to the “hub” – again and again and again – and to view everything on the rim from that inner stance.
Siegel has taught this form of effortless mindfulness practice in person to over 50,000 people (many of whom have never engaged in any form of meditative practice). They have described their experience of shifting to the hub using words such as “complete peace,” “joy,” “love,” a sense of emptiness and fullness at once,” “as if time has disappeared,” “as wide as the sky,” “vast,” “peaceful,” serene,” “Infinite.”
Some have said it was the first time they felt “at home in the universe,” others said they understood God for the first time.